How do we know if we're truly happy anymore with so much technology around to easily use as a tool of validation? I can update my myspace/facebook every 20 minutes of the day bragging and publicizing how happy I am. I can post pictures everyday of the socks I put on today to let my "friends" know that they match & have a Chanel label on them so people are well-aware that I have money & lots of it. I can take pictures with every person I come in contact with to make damn sure that I know people & lots of them. What happened to the good old days when satisfaction was personal and intimate?
I can't tell you how many times I got sucked into the evil world of "postings" and "updates" to let people know what I was doing every second of every day in hopes that the people who don't like me will be jealous. Yes, I am one of the few who will admit that. I loved knowing that they were looking at my profile and wondering what I was doing, and my initial instinct was to give them something to look at & get all flustered about. That's the virgo in me :) Haha. That's besides the point.
We get so caught up in having the last word and always being on top and more productive and, well, happy than everyone else. How petty? It took me this long, and some of you reading this will say, "God it's about time you grew up." But I can guarantee that people well-over the age of 20 use technology to validate their personal happiness as well. It's 2009. It's what we do. We update everyone we like & dislike because we can.
I realized that if you really want people to get upset and hot & bothered over what you are doing, you shouldn't say anything at all. My so-called status on myspace is at a consistent "in your extended network." It kills people! Honestly! If you really want to know what I'm doing, call me or text me. It's not that difficult. Or I guess you can read my blog if you are a super stalker (You know who you are) to see what I'm up to. But even in my blogs, I keep it in the broader sense and not so much daily.
Anyway. I'm up late and I really don't know why but I really needed to say that. Basically, people who publicize every last detail on their myspaces for everyone to see are not as happy as they "post" haha. I'm sorry, but if you need a comment on myspace to validate relations with others, that's just sad. Myspace and my daily life are nothing alike. The end!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hello Happiness
So basically, I've taken the last few weeks to seriously weed out any negativity that may have been holding me back from moving forward. I knew that once I did it, relief would feel so amazing. It was just actually doing it that was so difficult. Well, here I sit today, happier than I've been in a long time. I finally feel free, motivated, and determined again. It's amazing how people can bring you down without even noticing it. It's like, this person you think is your best friend ends up actually being your enemy. Well, maybe not so much enemy, but they just aren't right for you or your lifestyle. I've noticed that certain people around whom I was surrounding myself did just that; brought me down. It took me a long time to realize it, but I did. It was a long battle with not them, but myself. I kept trying to justify the wrongdoings of these people to make myself feel better about the past few years of surrounding myself with these people. I mean, it's scary, right? You think that these people are always going to be in your life, and then you realize they're not going to be and it's weird! It's the unfamiliar territory that freaks everyone out. But I have come to the conclusion that it always gets better. No matter what. I have found good people to hang out with, & recognized who I was shutting out for a long time was actually the people I should've been surrounding myself with all along. Well, whatever. No time like the present.
Anyway, so I see the light at the end of the tunnel with school. I was in a rut for a minute a few months ago, but I finally feel like there's only a few more pushes left in me to be done! I know what I have to do, and what I'm going to do to finish this. The good part, though, is that the worst is almost over. And it's smooth sailing starting around April. I've looked at where I want to work, and I've decided that I want to move to New York. I need to get out of California. I want to live there for as long as I can, and make a change in my life. And the state of New York does not require a court reporting license, like the state of California does. So, that makes it even better of an opportunity. I was looking at applications for court reporters in the NYC and there is a big demand for it, and having my California State License will look excellent on my resime. Now, I just have to push extra hard in the last several months of school. I know I can do it. I'm glad that I switched to night school as well. It helps a lot with the different people & set up.
Anyway that was my rant. For now. I'm just more excited about life than I have been in a long time. :)
Anyway, so I see the light at the end of the tunnel with school. I was in a rut for a minute a few months ago, but I finally feel like there's only a few more pushes left in me to be done! I know what I have to do, and what I'm going to do to finish this. The good part, though, is that the worst is almost over. And it's smooth sailing starting around April. I've looked at where I want to work, and I've decided that I want to move to New York. I need to get out of California. I want to live there for as long as I can, and make a change in my life. And the state of New York does not require a court reporting license, like the state of California does. So, that makes it even better of an opportunity. I was looking at applications for court reporters in the NYC and there is a big demand for it, and having my California State License will look excellent on my resime. Now, I just have to push extra hard in the last several months of school. I know I can do it. I'm glad that I switched to night school as well. It helps a lot with the different people & set up.
Anyway that was my rant. For now. I'm just more excited about life than I have been in a long time. :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Number 1
I'm in the most frustrating time in my life; I'm 20 years old and I feel like I should be grown up, but at the same time I still get treated like a child. I want to push the fast forward button so badly, but I can't. I know that this is the awkward in-between time that we all have to figure ourselves out, what we want, and we don't know where we're going. Sure, I'm going to school for court reporting and I know that it's what I'm going to be doing, but where? And with who? And how long will I be doing it? I know, I know I should be taking this one step at a time; focusing on getting through the day; getting through the quarter.
I'm determined now, more than ever, to finish school. Something clicked, and I'm not sure what it was, but it did. It's weird doing it alone. Everyone around me seems to be moving forward with their lives with someone along their side. I'm the complete opposite. I look out for number one, and I will always be in a relationship with myself. Those who come and go out of my life are just chapters; they will all teach me something in one way or another, and lead me in different directions taking me to where I need to go. I've never really put things into perspective as much as I have recently. I know that one day I'm going to look back on this time in my life and think, "Man, that seemed like such a big deal then, but it's funny now!" Or I won't even remember these so-called "difficulties" at all! We tend to get so caught up in social disruptions, but in all actuality, it means nothing compared to whats in store for the future. I will be successful. I'm standing on the edge right now, and my life has yet to begin. When I'm finished with school, and I'm a licensed court reporter, my life will never be the same. I will have my career, stability, and a new life. Sometimes it freaks me out to finish school, because I start to think, "Oh my god, what if I fail? What am I doing? This is so difficult, why am I doing this?" But I've learned that you can't stop living your life just because you're scared. Success takes courage; no one got there by sitting out on the side. I've made that transition in my mind from being completely freaked out, to being utterly anxious and determined to be the best at what I do, and finish as soon as I can. I can't explain the feeling, but I've never been this motivated.
I've read a few "motivational" books here and there, and they all say different things about positive thinking. Some are more for that "Get over it and just fucking do it!!" And others are more sensitive to overanalyzers, such as myself, and really empasize the process you must go through to reach positive thinking. I realized that it doesn't happen overnight. It really takes a routine. You know, set an alarm. Get up in the morning. Go do what you have to do for YOURSELF and no one else. Good people and good things will come to those who are patient and those who care about themselves. If you don't care for yourself, no one else is going to care for you.
I have never felt so in love with myself. I know, that sounds kind of creepy, but it's true. I've been in a relationship with myself for 20 years now. So why would I put my happiness in the hands of others and rely on them to make me satisfied? I can't. That will never happen. Only YOU can control where you go in life. I've decided to make tomorrow (Well I guess it would be today now) a better day, and a new start. I'm done caring about turmoil, and "drama" that is seemingly important now, but in the long run, it is a grain of sand in where my life is headed. So here's to life.. success.. and goooood things happening!
I'm determined now, more than ever, to finish school. Something clicked, and I'm not sure what it was, but it did. It's weird doing it alone. Everyone around me seems to be moving forward with their lives with someone along their side. I'm the complete opposite. I look out for number one, and I will always be in a relationship with myself. Those who come and go out of my life are just chapters; they will all teach me something in one way or another, and lead me in different directions taking me to where I need to go. I've never really put things into perspective as much as I have recently. I know that one day I'm going to look back on this time in my life and think, "Man, that seemed like such a big deal then, but it's funny now!" Or I won't even remember these so-called "difficulties" at all! We tend to get so caught up in social disruptions, but in all actuality, it means nothing compared to whats in store for the future. I will be successful. I'm standing on the edge right now, and my life has yet to begin. When I'm finished with school, and I'm a licensed court reporter, my life will never be the same. I will have my career, stability, and a new life. Sometimes it freaks me out to finish school, because I start to think, "Oh my god, what if I fail? What am I doing? This is so difficult, why am I doing this?" But I've learned that you can't stop living your life just because you're scared. Success takes courage; no one got there by sitting out on the side. I've made that transition in my mind from being completely freaked out, to being utterly anxious and determined to be the best at what I do, and finish as soon as I can. I can't explain the feeling, but I've never been this motivated.
I've read a few "motivational" books here and there, and they all say different things about positive thinking. Some are more for that "Get over it and just fucking do it!!" And others are more sensitive to overanalyzers, such as myself, and really empasize the process you must go through to reach positive thinking. I realized that it doesn't happen overnight. It really takes a routine. You know, set an alarm. Get up in the morning. Go do what you have to do for YOURSELF and no one else. Good people and good things will come to those who are patient and those who care about themselves. If you don't care for yourself, no one else is going to care for you.
I have never felt so in love with myself. I know, that sounds kind of creepy, but it's true. I've been in a relationship with myself for 20 years now. So why would I put my happiness in the hands of others and rely on them to make me satisfied? I can't. That will never happen. Only YOU can control where you go in life. I've decided to make tomorrow (Well I guess it would be today now) a better day, and a new start. I'm done caring about turmoil, and "drama" that is seemingly important now, but in the long run, it is a grain of sand in where my life is headed. So here's to life.. success.. and goooood things happening!
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